Cultivating Mettā Meditation

Cultivating mettā (loving-kindness)… can make the mind firmly established, reaching access concentration (upacāra-samādhi) and absorption concentration (appanā-samādhi), and it can be developed further into insight knowledge (vipassanā-ñāṇa). Mettā nourishes the heart. The reason we cannot reach insight knowledge… is a lack of mettā.

The Order of Cultivating Mettā

One should first develop mettā toward oneself…

This refers to the method for the first stage of meditation, taking oneself as the witness, because all beings wish for their own happiness, just as we do. So we should wish one another well and not harm one another.

For there is no other being that does not love itself…

The wise, having searched in every direction,
find no one anywhere
dearer than their own self.

For each person, of every kind,
the self is this dear.
Therefore the wise, who love themselves,
should not harm others,
down to the very ants and termites…

Spreading Mettā to Yourself

Ahaṃ sukhito homi: may I be happy.
Ahaṃ avero homi: may I have no enmity toward anyone.
Ahaṃ abyāpajjho homi: may I have no thought of ill will, grudge or malice, and harm no one at all.
Ahaṃ anīgho homi: may I be free from suffering of body and mind.
Ahaṃ sukhī attānaṃ pariharāmi: may I be happy and keep myself safe from all dangers.

The word “ขอ” (kho, rendered “may”, literally “to ask”) does not mean begging and waiting for a result to be granted by some power. It means “to do”. We are going to make a mind of mettā arise in ourselves and send love and goodwill to ourselves. Or we can spread mettā with a few short words: “happy in body, happy in mind, safe”. But we must know what they mean and feel them deeply in that mind of mettā. We must make mettā arise, a gentle mind, a mind with power; recollect our wholesome goodness, and wish for ourselves to truly reach happiness of body, happiness of mind and safety.

“Happy in body” is a name for sīla (virtue).
“Happy in mind” is a name for samādhi (concentration).
“Safe” is a name for paññā (wisdom), which removes obstacles within and without.

Bringing the stream of our own life to sīla, samādhi and paññā is the task we must do.

When one has first developed mettā toward oneself, one should next develop mettā toward someone one loves, or someone one respects, second…

Spreading mettā specifically to a person we respect and love serves to support mettā meditation (mettā-bhāvanā) so that it arises easily. Recollect what virtues they have: their sīla, samādhi, paññā and mettā, how they strive and act for the benefit of others. Then generate love and goodwill, and make mettā meditation arise.

May the person I respect and love be happy…
May the person I respect and love and I have no enmity toward each other…
May the person I respect and love and I have no thought of ill will, grudge or malice, and not harm each other…
May the person I respect and love be free from suffering of body and mind…
May the person I respect and love be happy and keep themselves safe from all dangers…

Spread mettā to each person you respect and love; it may take ten minutes for each. Keep spreading until mettā truly arises, until a soft and gentle mind truly arises.

Spread mettā until you feel that the person you respect and love has truly received strength from your mettā.

Even when absorption concentration has been achieved, do not be content with achieving only that result. One must strive to break down the boundaries of mettā so that it is no longer limited… (Visuddhimagga, The Path of Purification, translated and compiled by Somdet Phra Phutthachan (At Asabhamahathera))

One should develop mettā toward a neutral person third, and toward someone one is at enmity with fourth.

Keep at it again and again until the mind is soft and pliant, fit for work. Strive to lift the mind, raising the neutral person to the place of a loved one. Strive to subdue the mind that holds a grudge, so that the enemy fades and becomes neutral, then raise them to the place of a loved one.

May the person who is neutral to me be happy.
May the neutral person and I have no enmity toward each other.
May the neutral person and I have no thought of ill will, grudge or malice, and not harm each other.
May the person who is neutral to me be free from suffering of body and mind.
May the person who is neutral to me be happy and keep themselves safe from all dangers.

May the person who is my enemy be happy.
May my enemy and I have no enmity toward each other.
May my enemy and I have no thought of ill will, grudge or malice, and not harm each other.
May the person who is my enemy be free from suffering of body and mind.
May the person who is my enemy be happy and keep themselves safe from all dangers.

Uttarā Nandamātā

Uttarā Nandamātā invited the Teacher and the community of monks to her home for a meal, and hired Sirimā to look after her husband in her place.

While the food was being prepared, her husband stood watching Uttarā and smiled scornfully, thinking: “My wife is such a fool, fond of dirty work like a slave woman.” Uttarā, looking at her husband, smiled back, thinking: “My husband is such a fool, so heedless, believing that the wealth he has will last forever.”

Seeing husband and wife smile at each other, Sirimā grew jealous. She took a ladle, scooped up oil boiling in the pan and poured it over Uttarā’s head. Seeing this, Uttarā spread mettā. She saw the goodness of Sirimā, who had given her the chance to make wholesome kamma (intentional action), and she entered the absorption of mettā (mettā-jhāna). By the power of that absorption, the scalding oil lost its heat and ran off her like water off a lotus leaf.